Trip One; Paddling the doubts away.

The morning of the first trip arrived. A dull, grey and wet morning, I (Ralph) had no equipment at all, which was probably for the best as I hadn't even got a blue barrel to keep it in if I had any. Loz on the other hand had enough kit to mount an expedition to Iceland, in fact he actually had taken off on his motor bike with his tent and equipment and made a solo assault on Iceland. See his separate blog http://janglejangle.blogspot.com/ to read about his motorcycle and drinking adventures with his other, more prepared friends.
Anyway, back to our little trip that we had planned. Like I said, the weather wasn't good and I was grossly under equipped. I had managed to borrow an old two man tent ( on the small side ) and a sleeping bag. What more could a 6tf 2in, 18 stone bloke need for camping? Apart from a bigger, slightly less smelly tent and a roomier sleeping bag. Oh yes, and some decent weather. I was really starting to worry as to whether this camping lark was really for me. I kept looking at the sky, it didn't look promising. I wasn't really equipped for bad weather canoeing/camping. The rain started and the sky remained very grey. I texted Loz to see what he thought.
"Stop being a wuss, man! Get the curry sorted and your stuff packed and pick me up!" was the no nonsense reply. The curry in question was one that I had rustled up for tea, nothing elaborate just a jar of sauce with some chicken and mushrooms and stuff, all neatly stored in one of  my wifes finest tupperaware tubs, all ready to be reheated later on with our trusty boil in the bag rice. I suppose it was at this early stage that I had made the unconscious decision that it would be me who adopted the role of quartermaster and Loz with all his expedition experience would become Chef.
"What about the rain?" I protested.
"What about an adult bloke (spot the oxymoron) being scared of a bit of rain?" he taunted.
Well, he did have a point. So I loaded everything in to and onto the car and set off to pick him up.
So we were all loaded and started our journey across 'the chase', to Wolseley Bridge, where we would begin our voyage by launching our canoes on the Trent and Mersey canal. As we were unloading the car the sun started to make an admirable attempt at dispersing the clouds and threatening to turn the afternoon into a pleasant and sunny affair. The first of a long line of correct and wise decisions by Loz was hereby vindicated.
With the canoes afloat and the gear loaded onto 'Millie', Loz slid effortlessly and gracefully into his kayak while I stumbled dangerously and stupidly into 'Millie Canoe' with all the grace of a newborn giraffe (albeit a rather fat newborn giraffe), having miraculously stayed dry our voyage began, paddling steadily along the the canal. It was only a matter of moments before all stresses of work began melt away. This canoeing lark is ok, a proper relaxing pastime.
The only interruptions to our slow paddle up the Trent and Mersey were the locks. Unlike the narrow boats that passed us frequently with a cheery " Good Afternoon" or a smile and a wave, we weren't allowed to use the locks and instead we have to drag our vessels out of the water and manhandle them around the obstructions. I think the correct terminology is 'portage'. Well, whether we portaged or manhandled, it was quite apparant that someone would need to fabricate a device to make this little job a bit less like hard work. At this moment Loz's job description changed from Chef to Chef/Engineer. I'm guessing that as time goes on and we discover more jobs that require doing that our business cards are going to have to be quite substantial to accomadate our job titles, what with us having such a small crew.

Although the locks were not our favourite feature of the canal network there was one that we were extremely happy to come across, because next to Great Haywood lock is The Lock Restaurant and Tea Rooms, which is a fantastic place to stop for a pot of tea and a freshly made ham baguette whilst watching the world drift by.

 With it's location right on the canal and a bridge width away from the River Trent, and it's close proximity to Shugborough Hall it would make a lovely destination for an afternoon out with the family.

All refreshed and fed, it was time to move on and when no-one was looking I tumbled into 'Millie', again managing to stay dry! A little further up the canal we took a left onto the Staffs and Worcester Canal having first gone past the turning, D'oh, I'd forgotten to purchase a SatNav for the canoes.

The next point of interest we encountered was the Tixall wide, the wind had picked up a little and with it's exposed position the 'Wide' had got quite choppy. Not exactlly open water canoeing but in a craft that was as unstable as 'Millie' and loaded with all our overnight camping gear it took all my skills with the paddle just to drag the lumbering wooden flat bottomed hull of a canoe across the great expanse of water without losing life or limb, or more importantly the curry. For what seemed like hours I battled the elements, pitched my wits and skills against mother nature who seemed intent on destroying me for having the audacity to take on one of her most challenging features in such a feeble craft. Eventually I emerged at the other side, exhausted but otherwise unscathed, the curry still intact and fit for purpose. I had won!
Actually what had really happened was that Loz had gone off in front a short distance and had stopped for a fag while he waited for me to catch up, and left alone with my imagination, I had got a bit carried away. Oh well, back to reality, lol.
It wasn't much further along that we bumped into (not literally) a couple of blokes out for the day in a WaterQuest 156 Deluxe canadian canoe,
 a very nice piece of kit that was comfortably carrying two adult blokes, a large dog and a young child, with room to spare. Fully moulded seats with a built in cool box in the middle seat, although this particular feature did resemble a porta-potti. We spent quite a while chatting, discussing the virtues of canoeing and of different open canoes. On saying our goodbyes, Loz and I noticed that where we were moored was as good a place as any to set camp for the night. A wide area of grass so that we wouldn't block the tow path and with a quick look at the Google Map app on my phone it was quickly apparent that we weren't near any houses etc. So we shouldn't be disturbed or cause any disturbance to anyone.
Time to crack open the evening refreshments of Ale for Loz and Vodka and coke for myself. Drink, sensible and grown up conversation of the sort that only blokes could have, a pleasant evening sitting beside the canal. Surely the only thing that could improve such a situation would be a curry, so it was time for Loz to don his metorphorical chef's hat and fire up his Trangia.

Supper was served and eaten with gusto. Curry, beer and good company. All the ingredients of a quality evening.The evening progressed and many worlds were put to rights, I think that on a couple of occasions the conversation threatened to cross the line into sensible territory. This was soon remedied by more alcohol, probably a little too much alcohol for someone like myself who is not really used to drinking in the  quantities that were being dispatched tonight. To say I was a little bit drunk would have been the understatement of the year. I was hammered and I think that Loz was also showing signs of tipsyness. It  was decided that the tents ought to be pitched and the night brought to a close.

I think that with how much beer was drunk and how close to the edge of the canal Loz had pitched his tent (that's the door by the blue barrel!), he was lucky not to have taken a midnight dip into the canal.

Morning arrived with a brightness and cheeriness that could never be matched by either Loz, what with him being slightly hung over or myself, being extremely hung over. It was decided that breakfast would be skipped and our journey home would commence asap.
The plan was for us to paddle up to the next bridge which took the canal over the River Sow and drop down onto the river which wound it's way around the perimeter of Shugborough Hall, merged with the River Trent very near to the afore mentioned Great Hayward lock and carried on it's course towards the Humber, passing Wolseley Bridge on the way which as well as being our starting point yesterday would also be our finishing point today where hopefully my wife would be waiting for us with the car. When we got to the point where we needed to get out of the river we realised that it wasn't the easiest of places to get on the bank, what with the bank being extremely muddy. I quickly decided that in my post drunken state, finesse would never be the easiest option, so I beached my canoe and squelched through the knee deep mud dragging 'Millie' up into the grassy field. With my canoe safe I turned my attention to 'rescuing' Loz, I waded out purposely and took hold of the front of his boat and dragged it up the bank and onto the safe clean grass.
And this is where our first canoe/camping trip ended, we were picked up by my wife and taken safely home to nurse our hangovers.


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